You are a Terrible Liar

So let me give you some pointers for next time. Specifically, it may help you to know that, when Olive pees in the house:

  • She does it in the hallway, not the office;
  • The puddle is nearly always contiguous, and it never takes the form of a splatter pattern that covers several square feet of carpet;
  • Said puddle’s wettest spot does not usually lie under a capsized drinking glass; and
  • It doesn’t smell like cranberry juice.

Finally, changing your story under pressure never looks good (unless you’re changing it to the truth), and you should only try to improve your lie when: (a) it’s really necessary; and (b) the new lie offers clear and substantial benefits that outweigh the credibility cost of inconsistency. In connection with this point, I’ll just point out that neither of the cats pees cranberry juice and cups all over the office like a busted cranberry pee water balloon.

Now it sounds like you’re about done crying in your room, which means it’s time for a chat about personal responsibility.

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